A Canadian Spring...

 The last two days...  a winter storm with LOTS of snow...

Today... a red-wing blackbird sings of its arrival...

Today:Is it REALLY Spring?? - To Fall Like a Drop of Rain...

WOW!!! You Should Hear The Birds Today!

They think it's Spring... Maybe it is... Maybe their feelings are sharper... Maybe my vision is clouded by technology and my fingers and toes more numbed by cold...

Mid January in Quebec...

Clear, Sunny and COLD!

Wind Chill minus 35 C last night...

Up from minus 40 the night before...

Tomorrow's forecast... a major winter storm...

BUT...

The air is FULL of bird song and chatter

As though it were Spring...

Can they sense what I can't???

Maybe... 

This Post's Flavor(s):  poetry,puzzle,beginning/ending,

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Today:A look at Change - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

Today - Change:

A couple of my friends have written recently with news of a parent's death....  This has set me thinking about  change, belonging and of course separation.... 

Although change often looks and feels like....

 - Art by Sylvia Kay

Perhaps it can be (and maybe is????) more like....

 - Art by Sylvia Kay

Autumn...

The fall of death...

 - Art by Sylvia Kay

Spring...

Re-birth of new life...







 And In Between.... With Charon on the River Styx....
  

-Art by Sylvia Kay

Falling Scarlet

Through a Moon Drenched Mist...

I wonder...

How Will I Be...

Where I Land...

This Post's Flavor(s):  art, poetry, beginning/ending, creativity, human, process

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Today: Change.... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

Change & Contrast... A Process...

March has started off like a LION this year...  Again today between what drifted and what fell... another 2-3 feet of snow to shovel from my path.... 2016 is a year for SNOW!!! Since the middle of February, at least 5 feet have fallen....  My narrow path winds its way through a tunnel of snow, with banks head high on either side.... I don't need any exercise equipment...  Removing the snow off my 70-80 foot path, lifting it up over the towering banks gives me a full work-out!!

With the path cleared, I checked for mail... A confirmation of my order of plants for my garden.  The invoice says, "paid in full, plants will ship in Spring..."  Today, Spring looks quite impossible... Spring.... Do the seasons really change again this year?  However, I think back and remember other years when it's seemed equally impossible... and recall that miraculously each year Winter has ended and Spring has arrived...  

I marvel at the wonder of change... beginnings and endings which happen in spite of how solidly anchored in place things appear to be... It happens too, in spite of a great human desire for things to stay put, and organized and how we're used to them being... Change takes us on a journey into the unknown, where chaos, disruption, and confusion lie in wait... These aren't on the top of most people's list of want to visit places... Magically, however, baby step by baby step I manage to cross the boundary from what is known into what isn't... and change DOES happen... in me too...

UPDATES ON THIS YEAR'S CHANGE OF SEASONS: 


Mar 11/16 - Heard my first red-wing blackbird and saw my first grackle.... and the snow banks are about 2 feet lower than they were.....
Mar 22/16 - Heard my first robin and the banks of snow are slowly disappearing.... It's even possible to see bits of my garden... here and there...
Apr 7/16 - My garden had just emerged from under this winter's mountains of snow and small green shoots were appearing here and there...Then yesterday a blizzard and almost another foot of VERY heavy, wet snow...  I'm back to shoveling snow this morning.... strengthening the same muscles I'll need to use digging in my garden....
Apr 14/16 - My garden has re-appeared...  with small green shoots showing here and there...  Although the sun has shone brightly both yesterday and today, it's still TOO cold to start digging...  and snow still lingers in the shady parts.  However, with a warm coat, in the lee of the wind, I'm able to soak up a little sunshine...  I'm  SO hungry for some sun in the Spring!
May 1/16 - The last of the snow melts...

This Post's Flavor(s): gardening, beginning/ending,  human, process

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Today: The Changes That Happen... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

 Changing Circumstances: 

Baby grackles first flight...

The sun sets on an empty nest

Tonight 

Cats on the prowl...

Parents in a flutter....

Earlier today I found a male, ruby-throated hummingbird dead beside my garden.  I buried him next to the lovage...  I've been close, within a foot, but I've never actually touched a hummingbird before.... Such beautiful iridescent, olive-green plumage... the red at his throat only visible when the feathers fanned... He was SO tiny and light-weight... SO fragile and delicate.... his beak such a wonder... but with a broken neck, he won't fly more.... Sad to cover such intricate, delicacy with heavy, black earth.... 

This Post's Flavor(s): poetry, difficulty/pleasure, beginning/ending, human, small, process

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Today: Planting My Garden... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

 Gardening Thoughts: 

I've just finished planting my vegetable garden...  Even though I started sprouting the plants at the beginning of April, most of them are still VERY small and tiny - just seedlings. Each year, with my garden, I face the fragile, tenuousness of life and my food supply... Each year I wonder if plants who are so tiny and small can actually survive and grow in a world which isn't always gentle and kind. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, but regardless of their "success" or "failure", I get to feel ALL of how it feels...

Today one of four Shungiku, (Edible Chrysanthemum -Leucanthemum coronarium) plants disappeared... Yesterday, like most of the tiny plants I've just planted, its four leaves were nice and green and getting bigger with each passing day. I felt happy to see it doing so well... but today there was only a small bare stock and a few shards of leaf left lying on the ground. If, like last year, the same fate befalls the other three, I won't be tasting this delicacy this year...

This Post's Flavor(s): gardening, food, difficulty/pleasure, beginning/ending, human, small, process

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Today: Bird Song... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

A Beginning & An Ending...

Each evening

Just before night falls,

In the silent darkness,

A solitary robin chirps...

The final notes

Of a day's bird song.

Each morning

With the first, faint glimmers of returning light,

In the silent darkness,

A solitary robin sings...

The first notes

Of a day's choral symphony of bird song.

SPRING!

This Post's Flavor(s): poetry, music, beginning/ending
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Today: Spring Takes Its Time... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

Spring's - A Process: 

Jack Frost is back...

With more delicate art work 

For my windows...

I work on my table top

While

Wondering which plants

To start for my garden...

This Post's Flavor(s): poetry, gardening, beginning/ending, process

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Today: My Table Top... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

 Exploring My Creative Process... 

Today I'm working on a top for my table...  I've been working on a top for this table for more than eleven years.  When the table first entered my life, it was in very sorry shape.  The top was badly worn with peeling paint.  It was clear too, from its many dints and bangs, that it had seen some hard times, but I liked its lines. I was sure, it could still be beautiful and functional...so I started to work.  

The first thing I did was to sand the top to remove the peeling paint.  There was nothing I could do about the dints and bangs, so I let them be.  Anyway it felt good to reinforce the idea that things didn't have to be machine made perfect to be beautiful... After all I've been banged and scared and, and, and...too... so I wasn't machine made perfect either...  

The next step was to coat the legs and top with fresh paint.  I chose black as my base color.  It would provide an appropriate background for a picture of dark brown hands making a drum, which I glued down as a centerpiece. To reinforce the "primitive" feel of the picture, I did a zig-zag design in gold paint around the edge of the table.  The design work done, I needed to make it functional.

I needed a surface I could work on...  This is where I ran into difficulties.  I wanted something to go on top of the paint and picture which would give a hard, durable surface, without impairing the visibility of the design.  Water based Varathane seemed like my best option, so I put down layer after layer after layer...  I started with a gloss exterior, but this wasn't hard enough, so I sanded this down and started fresh with gloss interior...  This gave a nice, mirror like finish, but seemed to scratch if I so much as looked at it.  I downgraded to a semi-gloss which wasn't quite so prone to show scratches.  It still scratched badly, but  I didn't know what else to do.  I considered covering the whole top with glass. This I felt was too expensive, too heavy, too prone to breakage and intolerant of temperature change so I couldn't rest anything hot there.  Plexiglass wasn't quite as heavy, but it wasn't as clear either and the other difficulties remained. Consequently I discarded both of these as possibilities.

Unable to find a solution which improved on the semi-gloss Varathane I'd used, I decided to leave the top as it was and use a smaller Masonite piece with soft felt feet, to cover a little less than half the table.  This piece was small enough to leave my design visible and although it was also black, it was more rough and ready and not as smooth, so it didn't show scratches so badly... When I needed a functional work space, I did what I needed to do on this piece.  However, it was less than half a table top and often I found I really needed a larger surface.  I needed the whole table top as a functional work space...  What could I do???

After eleven years it was clear that my use for a beautiful looking table was less than my need for a functional work space.  As a result, I decided what I wanted to do was to create something similar to the half-sized piece I'd done, but which would cover the whole table.  I wanted a larger piece which could be easily removed for the few occasions when the original design could be displayed and something less durable, but beautiful would be appropriate. However, I wasn't that pleased with the half sized piece I'd done, I wanted to try something different...

After a lot of thought I decided a cork surface would look nice, not show scratches, be washable and not be sensitive to heat.  I got two pieces of cork which when joined together would cover the entire top of the table. Joining them wasn't super easy, but with some burlap, some ribbon, some paint, some glue and a lot of ingenuity I managed something acceptable.  I'd originally thought I'd coat this too with the water based Varathane, so I used this on the back to test it.  NOT GOOD!  It was too shiny and destroyed the look of the cork,  However, as I still needed something to protect the surface and make it easy to wash, I decided to try oiling the "good" side instead of using the Varathane. It was a very different surface to oil.  I needed to use much more oil than I have with wood and it was very difficult to buff, but in the end I managed to get rid of the excess oil and I had a washable surface which still looked like cork. To keep the cork firmly in place, I used an additional, separate layer of rubber-like fabric on top of the table under the cork...  At last I had a full sized top for my table!  

It was OK, but not great.  Even after a year the cork didn't lie really flat.  With the rubber underneath it didn't slide around, but a glass set on it was very prone to tip. It was clear, I needed to add another flatter layer to which the cork could be glued. I thought of Masonite, but this would be quite heavy and as the table has rounded corners I'd have to get help cutting it. This was going to be difficult... 

However, I realized I have LOTS of cardboard.  It's light weight and I can cut it to shape myself, so I decided to use this as my base. Today I started working on this new layer. On top of the cardboard base, I'll add some layers of paper mâché.  I've done other smaller pieces with similar materials and have ended up with something surprisingly hard and quite flat.  For the final layer of paper mâché I plan to use paper from gardening and seed catalogues whose pictures give wonderful color which I can augment with some paint, to create an interesting abstract.  I hope... To protect it, I've just discovered a spray for artwork which looks like it will clearly show the colors of my design, but be washable too, without adding any extra shine.  I can use either this or a satin Varathane. Right now I'm leaving this choice open.  I'll see how I feel when I finish the paper mâché work... In any case, once this paper mâché/cardboard layer has been glued to the cork, the cork should lie flat and I hope to have three options for my table: the original design when a fragile surface is acceptable and for a true working surface I should be able to use either the abstract paper mâché design for times when a hard working surface is needed or the cork if a softer one will do...  I hope so, but we'll have to wait to see...  Maybe future modifications or amendments will still be required...

An Update:  When I started, I thought I would use pictures from seed catalogues for the paper mâché work and I started doing it this way, but ended up doing something MUCH more interesting using old engagement calendars. However, this NEVER made it to my table top... You can see it on my 7th post about my paper mache art...  

For several years I made do with the cork top I'd made, but I wasn't really satisfied with it even though it did eventually lie down flat.  At some point, I no longer remember when, I decided to try the cork top without the rubber fabric underneath... WELL.. a surprise was in store for me... The rubber had permanently etched the Varathane, so my table no longer had a mirror like finish.  I was upset at first and tried to smooth it out a little with some very fine sandpaper... It looked better after this, so I've left it this way.   Then in July of 2023, when I was evicted from my old apartment (pursuant to a court order against my landlord for his lack of building repair and maintenance) and moved to my new one (which is SO MUCH nicer) I decided the nicer space really required the design to show, so I removed the cork top entirely, added a black rubber cutting mat (which is VERY useful for doing my art projects) to the half of the table I use most and left the other half open so the design of the hands making the drum is clearly visible... and I'm now content with the resulting finish on the Varathane.  It works just FINE!!!  Getting here though, has certainly been a LONG process with a winding, twisting trail full of ups and downs.

So often I find, beginnings are just a place from which to start and are not what is really meant to BE... Creative paths seem to seldom have straight lines; leading directly from conceptual idea to finished product. Frequently they are winding, twisting, curving trails; which once embarked on, take me in surprising, unexpected directions...

This Post's Flavor(s): Process, creativity, beginning/ending 

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Today: "Book of Small" - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

  Thoughts on "small"... 

Today I'm reminded of Emily Carr's "Book of Small"...  I was reading this book when my father was dying and lost it in the hospital during one of my visits...  Emily Carr's book was about her childhood and losing it when I did, helped confirm my feeling that I was leaving childhood behind with the steps I was taking with my father... 

However, now, here on this blog, I feel I'm writing my own "Book of Small".  Unlike Emily Carr's book, my book is not about my childhood experiences. Rather, it is about the small things in life...the basic experience "stuff" of life. I'm re-connecting to "small", but in a different way... This time, I feel I'm leaving much of the adult, human world, with all of its scientific explanations, recipes and "knowledge" behind and connecting instead to a "child-like" place - which is more open and receptive to life just as it comes and feels. For me, it's a fairy tale like place; where awe, wonder and magic still predominate, but are balanced by: vulnerability, confusion and unknowing as well as by the fear which lurks in the shadows behind these...  

This Post's Flavor(s): beginning/ending, human, small, fairy tale

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Today: The Man Next Door... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

 There's A Piece Missing now... 

An ambulance rests next door...

Change hits hard,

Abruptly and unannounced...

Rippling outward...

I listen to music and fix my blog...

Today, minus 15

Tomorrow, they say Spring begins...

Although I don't remember ever even saying "good day" to the man who lived next door; because my kitchen window looks out over his pet store/dwelling, I frequently viewed him as he lived his life and ran his business....  I liked the simple genuineness I saw... In spite of it being a business as well as a home, what was done didn't seem to be done for show or to draw attention, but seemed to come instead from heart...  As a result his sudden death affected me deeply....  In response to this I wrote another more emotional poem....

Ode to the Man Next Door

From unseen realms

Change...

Heedlessly crashing, splashing,

Into earth born space...

Rippling in endless

Waves of shock...

Tearing, ripping, punching

Destroying what seemed to work...

Leaving

Gaping, empty, black holes,

Where life did pulse before...

Filling slowly...

With fresh, new colors...

All naught but pawns

In some unknown, larger game...

An Update:

In the early morning hours of June 19/2020 the whole building burnt to the ground.  It was a VERY large building so the fire was MASSIVE and I watched from my kitchen window only a few feet away...  It felt a VERY tiny bit safer after the fire department arrived...  but I  still felt very precariously positioned for several hours... I've included the written statement I gave the police below...

Shortly after 2:00AM I woke from a half asleep state to the sound of a small explosion and a flash of light. At first I thought distant thunder, but the sound and the light were simultaneous and the thunder wasn’t loud enough to be as close as that. Furthermore, there was no following “thunder”. The light was also orange and not white like lightening... Even half asleep I realized something wasn’t adding up. I got up and looked out the window. Clear skies, but crackling noises, like a camp fire and an orange glow... This seemed to originate from something on the north side of my building and my bedroom has only a west facing window, so I decided to go into the kitchen which has a north facing window to investigate further... I’d already made the adjustment from thunder and lightening to fire... but I was expecting something small... What greeted me was HUGE! The whole building across the road was on FIRE! It had clearly started at the back, but it had already almost completely consumed the back of the building and was rapidly moving to the front... I called 911 and reported it. I was asked if there was anyone in the building. It was possible, but the owners didn’t seem to be there often, so I didn’t know... It turned out there were no people, but thinking about it afterward I know nothing could have been done for anyone who might have been there in any case, because no-one could possibly have been there and still have been alive by the time I first saw the fire. It was already just too HUGE! I was told the fire department would be notified immediately, so I sat at my kitchen window, watching and waiting... Although it seemed like a long time before the fire department arrived. I think it was only about 10 or maybe 15 minutes, which was fast considering that I understand many of the firefighters are volunteers... I thought then that the noise I had heard was probably something caving in at the back of the building which had given the fire more air and more room. However, a police man later informed me that there had in fact been an explosion which send debris out 20 meters... So that was probably what I’d heard upon waking. I was terrified it would spread. Everything is VERY dry with the VERY hot weather and lack of rain and there were trees close. I was particularly concerned about two large pine trees close to the building. If they caught fire it could be VERY dangerous. My concern was quite justified...the needles on half of the pine tree closest to the fire are now scorched and brown and a couple of its branches have also been clearly burned. I was also concerned about my building. Although it is across a road there’s probably only about 80 feet separating the two buildings. I’m guessing the fire to have been at least 100, maybe 150 feet high, maybe even more; sparks were flying and it was HOT... I could feel its heat strongly from my look out at my kitchen window... However, thankfully there was little wind and the firefighters managed to keep the fire contained. Even the abandoned shed or barn at the back of the building looks to have been untouched by fire. The police wanted me to evacuate my building, but I didn't budge...  I sat glued to my kitchen window straight through until a little after 7:00 AM. A backhoe was brought in for the final 1 to 2 hours that I watched. At first it worked only at the front of the building... but it later moved more to the back and did some work there too... Again I was concerned. As the fire had clearly started at the back, this was an area that needed to be left as untouched as possible, for the cause to be determined. Looking at the pile of charred rubble, determining a cause, seemed to my untrained eye, like it would be an impossible task, even if everything was left quite undisturbed...

 

I’ve felt a big connection to this building across the road, since I first moved into my current apartment at the beginning of November 2003. I’m almost always “at home” and mostly in the kitchen... so the kitchen window is the one I look out of most often. I don’t intentionally look out to keep track of anything or anyone, but I glance out frequently and I notice what is there... This building across the road was for sale when I arrived and I was told it had already been for sale for quite some time. While I’ve been here it has mostly been for sale and I was told it was uninhabitable from the beginning of 2006 until the “Pet Store people” bought it. I know they began working on it and moving in in the Spring and I think the year would have been about 2009, but I’m not really sure of the exact year now. I was relieved when they came. They re-shingled the roof and I watched as they fixed up the obvious things which needed repair or attention in and around the building. I watched them un-gird the large pine tree at the side, plant shrubs and flowers, bring in a fountain and put benches around; providing places where people could sit. They clearly looked after the building and the yard. The lawn was mowed and the shrubs and flowers watered regularly. It seemed like a good fit. The building seemed cared for and happy with its inhabitants and the “pet store people” seemed happy to be there too. Deliveries of stock came at regular times and I watched people come to buy food and supplies as well as pets. It never looked like a “booming” business, but there was a steady constant stream of people who came. I never knew the “pet store people’s” names and only remember speaking to them briefly on two occasions, but I enjoyed watching them live their lives and run their business... and was VERY happy for the building! However, after only about 1 ½ years the woman died and around 8:00 AM on the morning of Mar. 19, 2015 the man followed her and the building was again put up for sale... I know the current owners started moving in during the winter... I think it was at the end of 2016/beginning of 2017, but it might have been the following year... At first I thought it would be like it had been with the “pet store people”, as it seemed these people were also going to both live in and run a business from this building... but that never happened. A sign was installed which said they sold furniture and later hair dressing was added and when they first moved in, I saw many things being brought which I assumed were what they intended to sell. However, there was never any “grand” opening... Whatever “opening” they had I missed seeing completely. No-one seemed to come to buy and I didn’t see deliveries of “stock” either. The yard was left to look after itself and the owners were seldom in evidence... Unlike the “pet store people” I don’t know what they look like or what kind of car they drive nor much of anything else... The people who live beside me on Rue Principale told me they bought things there and she had her hair done there, so I’m sure there were some clients, but I didn’t see them, so there were never very many. It seemed to be a strange kind of business... so I wasn’t surprised when the building was again put up for sale about 1 ½ years after the “furniture store people” bought it... It was still for sale when it burned. I’m reminded of how often life takes us in unexpected directions and what we think will happen doesn’t or does but doesn’t suit... and that what does happen can look and/or feel quite “strange” which requires some adjustment...sometimes it’s A LOT of adjustment...

The residual feelings, I have now, as I look at the mass of charred rubble and huge crater that was once a building are very similar to the ones I had when the man died...  It feels to me like the building died of a broken heart after the loss of these "pet store" people...

This Post's Flavor(s): poetry, beginning/ending, human
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Today: I have mixed feelings... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

A Mix of Feelings...

Today Google updated their bookmark feature on Google Chrome...  I have mixed feelings.  They've destroyed their old system.  I was very happy and comfortable with it, but it's GONE...  In its place I find a NEW and unfamiliar creation. Google's creativity has necessitated some unplanned creativity on my part... I've spent most of today trying to figure out how I'm to work with it...  

It's nice to be able to import and export my bookmarks easily.  I know at some point I'm going to have to get a new computer and I was wondering how I was going to transfer my bookmarks.  This will be simple now.  I use this bookmark feature A LOT and have quite a complex folder system developed for using them. After spending most of the day at it, I've finally managed to organize my bookmarks so I can access them fairly easily.  In the process, I lost one folder completely and was feeling quite unhappy as it contained a lot of hard to re-find music, but when I turned my computer on again, my folder magically reappeared in a different place!  How wonderful!!

However, I'm still having difficulty bookmarking new items and saving these in the relevant folder. The old system worked so nicely, showing me my whole folder structure, at a glance, and allowing me to choose the one I wanted.  The new system doesn't seem to work so well with my complex system and I have trouble too, moving the bookmarks from one location to another.  

I get VERY tired even thinking about designing a simpler folder structure, which might work better.  I didn't plan on spending time creating THIS, but maybe I need to anyway... or maybe I need to stop using this feature so heavily.  Maybe I have enough things already bookmarked and don't need more... or maybe there's another option I'm not yet ready to see, which can work really well...

This Post's Flavor(s):  creativity, human, beginning/ending, process

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Today: I Order Some Seeds... - To Fall Like A Drop Of Rain...

A Beginning...

Today I ordered seeds for my garden...  Looking outside at the mountains of snow it seems incredible that I'll be able to plant them at all!  However, I've ordered them today anyway. After much deliberation, I've chosen things which were edible entirely or partially: some calendula, some nasturtium. a sunflower (whose flower buds are edible), "dolly" basil (this one is reported to be a prolific producer of leaves -- maybe it will like the conditions I have), red pod asparagus bean, Chinese mallow,  salad burnet,  chervil, mitsuba, some corn salad, an edible Chrysanthemum, a wild arugula and two kinds of Swiss Chard ( a red and a green). Many of these I've never tasted before, but would like to try...

Only some things seem to want to grow in my garden.  Last year the herbs I planted did fairly well as did the beans and sorrel, but most other things didn't grow well at all.  There was an unexpected bonus though...  Not having much in my garden, I discovered I could make very good feeling, tasty meals with the dandelion, chicory and plantain which grow prolifically all over my yard...  These I don't have to care for AT ALL.  They just grow!

Consequently, this year, I'm wanting to try leaving more of my garden space, like the yard, in the Gods' hands... so I've chosen things I think will work with the kinds of conditions which are supplied naturally, by Mother Nature. The corn salad, chrysanthemum and arugula I suspect I'll be growing indoors under lights, but I'll try them outdoors first and see...

Like SO MUCH of life, each year my garden is a FRESH, NEW experiment.  I never know what will grow.  Maybe what grew last year won't grow this year or maybe what didn't grow last year will this year or...  Maybe I choose plants that like cool and wet and the Gods send hot and dry...  Each year, my garden is therefore also an adventure and where I go from its conceptualization is an improvisation...


This Post's Flavor(s): food, gardening, beginning/ending, creativity, process
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